Back to the grindstone

I survived my first day back at work and it was easier than I thought. I didn’t burst into tears at any stage and I only had 497 emails to go through!

I am always surprised at how little things change when I am away from work for a week or two or even a month. Prior to going on annual leave I always spend the last few days working like crazy to make sure that everything is in order and that all my colleagues know where all of my deals are up to, what all the clients are up to, just in case.

Even this time when I got out of hospital I went into work late on the Monday evening to check my diary, put my out of office on and distribute my current workload amongst my colleagues.

The funny thing is that when I get back to work nothing has changed. We still have the same issues with the same clients, the same frustrations, just as many outstanding reports to complete and it feels like I was never away!

I hope you don't mind me sneaking in pics of my Mother's Day gifts, I wasn't much in the mood for blogging then but I did want to share my new cushions and birdcage with you.

I included the one of Jemima just because ......

I was very spoilt on Mother's Day and every day since! My boys also bought me a Nespresso (unfortunately it doesn't come with George, but my Hubby is much better anyway!) and I have at least one yummy coffee made for me everyday.

I hope you had a great start to your week!

xx



Grieving

Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement often refers to the state of loss, and grief to the reaction to loss.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

There are stages of grieving and everyone grieves differently.

 

As part of my grieving I wrote my last post. I wasn’t being particularly brave or strong when I wrote it. I cried as I typed and at times I had to stop writing and let my tears flow free before I could continue. Putting my experience in writing was a step that I needed to take so that I could move on a bit further through my grief.

 

Once I had written about my experience I was able to stop remembering every detail just in case I forgot. I knew I could go back and read it whenever I needed to.

 

Each day gets easier and each day I have been feeling stronger physically, spiritually and emotionally. I am so thankful that I was able to take time to be alone and to rest, to heal. I am glad that I didn’t have to rush back into society and act normal!

 

Next week I am going back to work and I am ready to try again!

During these last weeks the Lord has shown me how much I have to be thankful for and how blessed I am. I have discovered just how much good there is in the world and how important relationships are.

 

Thank you for all of your kind words, your thoughts, support and prayers. Each and every comment helped me along in my recovery and made me feel cared for,

it has made me realise how important a kind word can be and I pray that I will be able to bless others the way that you have all blessed me.

 

Nellie

xx

Good Bye My Precious

It was the first Thursday of the school holidays and Nicholas was at work with me, I was looking forward to having lunch with him but first a quick toilet break.

Something is not right, I felt something stretch and then pop and clear fluid starts leaking into the toilet. There was no pain and no blood. I tried very hard not to panic and rang the doctor. They told me to come straight in. I left Nicholas at work with a brief explanation so he wouldn’t worry too much and walked around the corner to the doctors.

I relaxed a little, the fluid stopped leaking and the doctor saw me. He checked on you and it was the first time that I heard your heart beat. It might be ok, you’re still alive and the leaking has stopped. Don’t panic, I will have an ultrasound and we will find out what happened.

Given that the next day is Good Friday the doctor recommends that I go to the hospital to get an ultrasound, that way they are aware of the circumstances just in case.

As I walk back to work I am devastated to feel that I am losing a lot more fluid. I call Dad, he collects Nicholas and me then we head to the hospital.

We get to the hospital around 1.30pm and we’re informed that there a few people before us and the couple waiting the longest have been there just under 5 hours, so we settle in. Despite the fact that the Dr spoke to the gynaecologist on duty we have to be seen by a rostered emergency Dr first.

Just before 4pm we are hustled through to have an ultrasound as they finish at 4pm. I get to see you again and my hopes rise a bit. You are alive and kicking however there is no amniotic fluid around you. I’m not told a lot at this stage and I have to go and wait for the Dr to see me.

It is not good news, there is not fluid around you and without the amniotic fluid your lungs can not develop. You are not quite at 18 weeks and your lungs don’t develop fully until 24 weeks. There is a very small possibility that the membranes will repair and the fluid will be replaced but we need to wait and see. The Dr’s main concern is for me as I am at a great risk of infection and they want to put me on antibiotics straight away and monitor me.

The best chance you have is for me to be on bed rest in order for the ruptured membranes to heal and for the fluid to be replaced so I am admitted to hospital.

We are all praying that God will grant us a miracle and that you will survive.

I am resting and Dad and Nicholas visit us every day. They have Easter Sunday lunch in the hospital with us and your Babooshka. We joke that it is a memorable Easter lunch and definitely a first for us.

We get to hear your heartbeat again and this time it is a first for Dad and Nicholas. I am able to feel you kicking more and more and I love it.

The public holidays are over and on Wednesday morning I am booked in for an Ultrasound. The results are not good. You’re still with us but you still have no fluid around you, your leg is down in the cervix and it is starting to open.

The Dr’s don’t want to induce if they can avoid it, it is much better for me if I go into spontaneous labour, I have until Friday and then they will reassess the situation.

I am so upset, we don’t know why this has happened, there was no sign of infection and you seem to be healthy apart from your lungs not being developed. We continue to pray for a miracle.

It is Thursday night, I know you are still with me because I can feel you kicking. I saw you again this morning and both of your legs are moving down. I am praying now that I don’t need to make a decision tomorrow and that the Lord either heals the membranes or starts the labour.

I say good bye to you. I know this is it and I am so thankful for the extra week I had with you to feel you kicking and moving around.

In the morning I wake up without pain however when I go to the toilet I notice that your cord is coming out. The Dr confirms that it is the umbilical cord and it is not pulsating so you are now dead. He can also feel your leg on its way out.

I am given some drugs to help with the labour and you are born at 12.03pm. We are given time with you to say good bye. You are perfectly formed and I can even see your toenails. I love you and I am so sorry I was not able to bring you home with me.

 

Good bye my precious little boy.

I will see you in heaven one day.

Mum

xx

Food Affair and a winner

How was your weekend?

 We had a lovely weekend.

On Friday I made a start on my Easter craft,

(should have it done by Thursday) .

On Saturday I was very productive, 

I cleaned and I baked my way through the day.

I did eat a lot too,

someone had to taste test : ) 

On Sunday we had a very social day,

after church we stopped by the Eater Family Festival

held in Robertson Park.

The festival is an event put on by the combined churches of Orange and everything on the day is free of charge.

It is a great way for the community to get together and celebrate Easter.

Across the road in the North court of the Gallery was our annual FOOD Affair.

Orange holds food week every year and the last event is the Food Affair held on Sunday afternoon.

It is a great opportunity to sample the local produce from the many food and wine stallholders as well as meet the people who grow or make it.

Entertainment and Cooking demonstrations also feature throughout the day.

 

The weather was lovely and the crowd was fantastic.

I didn't get to sample the wines however the food was excellent and I had a great time wandering around and catching up with people we know as well as enjoying the sunshine!

Now the moment you have all been waiting for.....

 the winner of the Tote bag is......

 the lovely Lisa from Ledamae!

Congratulations Lisa, flick me an email with your address and I will post the bag out to you ASAP.

(I used the random org generator to select the winner

but I don't know how to get the image on my blog!)

Thank you to everyone who left a comment

and entered in the giveaway!

I hope you all have a great week!

xx

Giveaway Reminder

I hope you are all having a great weekend!

Ours has been lovely,

today has been a gorgeous

sunny autumn day!

Just a reminder that my giveaway closes tonight and I will be announcing the winner tomorrow.

If you haven't entered yet and you would like to go here!

xx

17 weeks

 Here it is the long awaited belly pic ; )

17 weeks today!! 

(I apologise for the photo quality,

I was rushing out the door to my doctors appointment,

No, I did not run out the door in only my tights and top,

 I did throw a knitted dress over the top)

The doctors visit went very well and I will have my ultrasound in about 2.5 weeks.

I am really looking forward to the ultrasound

 I want to see the baby again to reassure myself that it is healthy and alive.

I seem to worry a lot more that maybe things have stopped progressing and I just haven't realised because there aren't any physical symptoms.

I know that it is because of the last pregnancy where we thought all was fine until we went for the 12 week ultrasound and discovered that there was no fetus and only a sac,

I know that it is silly to worry about it, but sometimes I can't help it!

We would like to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl and we are more than happy to share the news!

I know some of our family don't want to know but we will cross that bridge when we get to it!

I wore maternity clothes to work for the first time yesterday I think it was because on Wednesday I wore this .....

and I think I look fat and not pregnant.

(Again sorry for the poor quality photo, I was on my way out the door to go to work and both photos were taken on my phone and come to think of it my mirror probably needs a good clean!)

Maternity clothes make you look more like you're pregnant

and less like you've been indulging

in far too many Easter eggs ; )

(is anyone else like me and buys the little chocolate eggs for gifts and then opens them and proceeds to eat them bit by bit until you realise that you have to go and buy more because you don't have any left for giving !)

Anyway, my aim for today is to try and get a start on my easter gifts and hopefully get most of them finished.

Easter is only a week away!

Have a great weekend my friends.

xx

16 Weeks and a giveaway reminder

Thanks to everyone for your lovely comments and your interest in the pregnancy.

I am feeling so much better now that the morning sickness has all but gone and I must admit it is nice to have enthusiasm to do stuff again.

I am really aiming to enjoy this second trimester before I start getting bigger and just plain uncomfortable and tired again from lack of decent sleep.

My belly is looking a bit more like I am pregnant and not just fat so that is nice too. I will have to stop being so vain and post some belly pics as I know I will regret it later if I don't have anything to look back on!

I am starting to feel the baby move a little but not a lot and I still worry a lot that something has gone wrong.

I will see the doctor again at the end of this week and I will find out when I can have my next scan I am really looking forward to that! I think we will try and find out if is to be a boy or a girl. I am thinking boy at the moment, but who knows!

Hope you all have a great week and just a reminder about my giveaway, if you haven't entered yet and you would like to you can do so here.

xx

The last of Mudgee for now & the Giveaway

So we whizzed around Mudgee in our cute little car

Not this one,

ours is a Holden Viva,

little and cute but not flash by any means

We enjoyed all the sights

I thought this skirt was so adorable

but not really something I would wear

so I just appreciated the work

that would have gone into making it!

We discovered this lovely little antique store

I loved this trike,

I can imagine it in the garden

with some potted plants on the back

Would've loved to take this desk home for Nicholas' room

but unfortunately it wouldn't fit into our little car

and finally for the giveaway,

you may have spotted me with this fabulous Tote Bag.

I loved it and I bought one for you too!

If you would like a chance to win it

1) leave a comment on this post for one entry

2) For an additional entry become a follower

and leave a comment or if you are already a follower

leave a comment to let me know

3) or you can blog about the giveaway

or add it in your side bar &

leave me a comment for another chance to win.

Giveaway closes Sunday 17th April 2011

I'll announce the winner on Monday.

xx

The Food, wine and beer.

Mudgee really has some fantastic places to eat and to drink,

I couldn't indulge in the wines so I indulged in the food : )

photo and info here

First food stop was the Cobb & Co Court for lunch,

great food and great setting.

They have accommodation as well, it looks nice,

we have considered staying there

but I worry that it could be noisy later at night.

For dinner on Friday night we went to Roth's Wine Bar.

It was fantastic.

The weather was lovely so we sat out side

and ate our wood fired pizza & listened to live music.

No photos, sorry, but you can check it out here.

Saturday morning coffee was at Alleycats Coffee House,

gorgeous spot to sit and relax.

Coffee was good too!

Find out more here

Lunch was at the Mudgee Brewing Co,

great steak sandwich

and hubby enjoyed the beer tasting.

find out more here 

After Lunch we visited Huntington Estate 

I think hubby really enjoyed having a designated driver

that was happy to chauffeur him around for the afternoon.

Dinner on Saturday night was at Sajo's,

the meal was lovely and the service was fantastic.

Highly recommended. More here.

Before we left Mudgee on Sunday we made one more food

stop at High Valley Wine and Cheese Co

We had coffee

We tasted cheese

and we bought some gifts and cheese to take home!

On our way home we detoured through

Gulgong (31klms from Mudgee)

and had lunch at the Muse Brasserie.

Once again it was delicious and I highly recommend a visit

to Gulgong if you are every near by it is a lovely little town .

I know it sounds like all we did was eat

but I assure you I had a nap every day

and we did some shopping

I have some pics of the Markets to share with you next time

as well as my little giveaway.

I hope I am not boring you with our weekend away.

Amazing how long I can drag it out for!

xx